— this is really happening

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October, 2007 Monthly archive

The brooding skies outside are tempting me. I’m being lulled into myself as the winds begin to pick up. That static electric is beginning to buzz.

Virginia Woolf has been taking me home these past few weeks. Here’s some more. 

All that evening the clouds gathered, until they closed entirely over the blue of the sky. They seemed to narrow the space between earth and heaven, so that there was no room for the air to move in freely; and the waves, too, lay flat, and yet rigid, as if they were restrained. The leaves on the bushes and trees in the garden hung closely together, and the feeling of pressure and restraint was increased by the short chirping sounds which came from birds and insects.
– from The Voyage Out

To enjoy freedom, if the platitude is pardonable, we have of course to control ourselves. We must not squander our powers, helplessly and ignorantly, squirting half the house in order to water a single rose-bush; we must train them, exactly and powerfully, here on the very spot.
– from The Common Reader

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I’ve never taken anyone to small claims court, although my Dad told me I should just for the experience of it. I’ve also never eaten shark either, although I had a sushi chef try to sneak me a few pieces inside a hand roll once. But, as of about 1 hour ago, I have joined the ranks of concerned U.S. citizens to take the plunge and "tattle" on another fellow citizen to the Oakland police department. No, it wasn’t a noise violation call or a rowdy behavior call. My call was to report the most audaciously annoying eyesore truck that has been parked in front of E’s apartment for at least 111 days (okay, maybe it’s more like 8 or 10 days).

What makes this truck so gross, and ultimately what is leading to this truck’s demise as we speak, is its logo. Observe, and don’t even try to argue with me.

chief-tucker.jpgToday’s Monday message is (and I read through the brisk October morning fog to find this one): It is okay to be a little bit evil and tattle tale on an eyesore truck that has been parked in your line of sight for more than a week. It is okay. It is okay. The folks on the other line of the Non-emergency Oakland Police department are surely nice. And they don’t make you feel an inch of guilty. They even let you anonymize the call, so no one but yo’ damn self knows who made the tattle. Thanks Chief Wayne G. Tucker and his friendly staff at the Oakland Police Department.

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The U.S. Bureau of Engraving and Printing (a shmancy subsidiary of the Federal Reserve) says the "average life" of a $10 bill whilst it passes through the Krispy Kremed, Dorito’d, Corn-nutted hands of America is about 18 months. After that, it is replaced due to wear. So here we meet the unsung hero: the Tenner, the Ten Spot, the Sawbuck (look it up), a tireless soldier of exchange that manages to legitimize countless acts of barter,  thousands of incredible bargains, and surely a fair share of shifty rip-offs. (Tom Shane, we’re watching you!)

And it’s hard to tell what $10 will get you, too. Might I recommend then, the next time you need to get your 18" tire repaired (the one with the smokin’ hoopty rims) because you ran over a nail or a staple or both simultaneously, that you head on down to Wheel Service at 31230 International Blvd. in West Oakland. There, for a quick $10 (no receipt) you can get your tire mended without having it replaced.

Now, here’s where things get important. The "exchange" of the $10 bill appears to be in service of said tire being repaired, but, what may actually be going on is that for a mere $10, you and your friend are given the opportunity to enter the Wheel Service showroom, a veritable who’s who in the hoopty rim world. For about 10 minutes ($1/minute) you are given full access to stacks upon stacks of rims.

Sit down, Ice Cube. Hello Dip spinners, Arelli lighters, Foose rollies, Mazzi LED lizards, and my favorite, Jesse James lawless chromes. The rim world is waiting for you. (Even if you drive a station wagon.)

 

feeling-rims.jpg
A fine item.

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$1588, really?!

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Note the remote control and the choice literature.

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In case your forgot, you should give your baby the best.

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This little rim (about the size of a moped wheel) is $750. Let’s get it!

My Friday afternoon journey was worth every penny of that ten bucks. Aside from this post, I’m considering directing a remake of the famed "Shoes" video, but this time as an homage to rims. Anyone with me?

 

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Just don’t.

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