— this is really happening

this autopilot

this autopilot is amazing.  without knowing, two nights ago i was standing on the square that reads "tragedy and unexpected."  the white rook came fast from the other side and levelled me.  i was kicked off the board before i knew what happened.  my middle finger shot up in the air in solidarity and dispute!, and then a series of stumbled sighs filled my room.  i was just trying to play the game here, but that rook to queen 4 just reelee sucked, man.  wtf?  this event has thereby affirmined the koan of Courage, "It is arduous. Much courage will be needed."

it’s not every day your kitty jumps off the balcony and breaks his leg, merely one day following your close work colleauge being coined the boise ipod stalker.  last night i sat, spilled on the upstairs carpet, knees in my hands, head buckled touching belt buckle.  less emotional, mostly shocked.  i seemed to be making my way through the day, the drugs of autopilot autoing me on like a lemming.

last night i looked at my healthy kitty beside me.  her soft fur warmed my toes.  my mind-record kept repeating, "we’re in it together."   her gold coin eyes twinkled in agreement.  with her tucked under my arm, we fell asleep together on a laundry clean blanket and waited for dawn to arrive.

…today is here and i want to be still sitting still, but i’m back at the computer and running around.  slowly, life’s glee is starting to return in e’s "fits and starts."  the ups man who dances to and from his truck came today and dropped off a tube mail for my roommate.  he is a saint, this man.

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