— this is really happening


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I can’t believe i’m writing a post now.  but, when the bug bites….

Sometimes the expanse of an entire day feels dedicated to the work of an author.  Today, already at this early hour, has been appropriated to Robert Anton Wilson.  I was fidgeting under covers this morning trying to pinch out a few final sleeping moments before 7am, when I sat up quickly realizing I’d forgotten to attend to something very important.  It’s less important WHAT I had to attend to, than the fact that I was lying there thinking I had my whole day figured out perfectly and it was going to be a piece of cake day.  In fact, I was even indulging in a sense that I had everything figured out.  You know what I’m talking about.  You’ve done this.  These I’m Master Of The Universe days when every thing/concept/struggle of my life seems simply child’s play.  Wilson, the famous American sci-fi author and anarchist philosopher magician would remind me otherwise.  Two of my favorite quotes are:

“Belief is the death of intelligence. As soon as one believes a doctrine of any sort, or assumes certitude, one stops thinking about that aspect of existence.”


“If you think you know what the hell is going on, you’re probably full of shit.”

Thank you sir, message received.  (Shrug) Well, merrily off to the guessing game again! 

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A friend was telling me that she has been asked to lead a commitment ceremony in an upcoming marriage between her two close friends.  She’s been meditating on what she’ll say and today it came to her.  I was tidaled by her blessing.  It was profoundly simple: "May you continue to get to know each other." Wait for it, wait for it. Awestruck, I stared back at my friend with my ears (we were on the phone) and slowly over the course of a minute or so I began to receive it, and the corners of my lips curled into a big smile.  How special, indeed.  It’s simple enough, but it really nails it.  It reminded me of a Rilke quote that just passed my desk that calls partners in relationship “guardians of each other’s solitude.” How beautiful. How sacred More on that one surely; that’s an idea I’ll probably be absorbing for the next 197 years, but I wanted to share.

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Has anyone in the world except for Tripp B. read Flatland, A Romance of Many Dimensions?  Weird strange uncomfortable book that makes me want to instigate misconduct and run out of the room yelling.  But, it has some goodies…err, it has some things that stuck. 

Said Doctrine ordains first and foremost that you must always "Attend to your configuration."  The Circles also puport that humans waste massive amounts of energy believing that conduct depends on will, effort, training, and encouragement.  So basically to the Circles, the only thing that matters is Configuration.  Configuration makes the man!  There’s a whole schleppy story about what Configuration actually is, but it’s not that exciting and I might lose some of you if I go into it.  Honestly, it’s been years since I read the book — thought it was bologne then, and I still do.  However, I remembered the Doctrine today and as night fell I ended up questioning the integrity of the square and rearranging the furniture in the room just outside my bedroom.  Here at 1210 P. Street, we call that room "the common room" — although I prefer "the treehouse" — but it never took.

The common room is essentially the "master" part of the master bedroom that I live in.  My attention to the Configuration in this case meant that I moved the couch to under the window, the futon bed to the east wall, and the kitten hospital cage a few inches to the west.  Doctrines aside, I finished a few moments ago and sat back down at the desk in my bedroom to fiddle with school work.   An unexpected consequence has emerged, however.  Upon returning to my bedroom a few steps from the common room, I feel as though I am still in the common room.  Spacially my mind seems stuck in that room.  So here I sit, type typin, and I "feel" like I’m over there.  A relapse to the bouncing raves of Denver perhaps?  And my peripheral vision is shocked by the bed beside the desk I’m sitting at.  What’s going on?

All of this reminds me of Aleister Crowley‘s "Love is the Law. Love under Will."…..

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pretty colors, i think
This is short and comes between laundry and lunch.  There was a big laundry invasion here and I have finally deterred the militia.  This is the final folded pile.  Carry on with your most likely more interesting moment…..


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this autopilot is amazing.  without knowing, two nights ago i was standing on the square that reads "tragedy and unexpected."  the white rook came fast from the other side and levelled me.  i was kicked off the board before i knew what happened.  my middle finger shot up in the air in solidarity and dispute!, and then a series of stumbled sighs filled my room.  i was just trying to play the game here, but that rook to queen 4 just reelee sucked, man.  wtf?  this event has thereby affirmined the koan of Courage, "It is arduous. Much courage will be needed."

it’s not every day your kitty jumps off the balcony and breaks his leg, merely one day following your close work colleauge being coined the boise ipod stalker.  last night i sat, spilled on the upstairs carpet, knees in my hands, head buckled touching belt buckle.  less emotional, mostly shocked.  i seemed to be making my way through the day, the drugs of autopilot autoing me on like a lemming.

last night i looked at my healthy kitty beside me.  her soft fur warmed my toes.  my mind-record kept repeating, "we’re in it together."   her gold coin eyes twinkled in agreement.  with her tucked under my arm, we fell asleep together on a laundry clean blanket and waited for dawn to arrive.

…today is here and i want to be still sitting still, but i’m back at the computer and running around.  slowly, life’s glee is starting to return in e’s "fits and starts."  the ups man who dances to and from his truck came today and dropped off a tube mail for my roommate.  he is a saint, this man.

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I ate at Taco Bell tonight.  Studying, woozy, woah.

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